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Monday, February 07, 2005 Back to Dukesville Mainpage
Merely Changing My Tune...or Opening My Eyes? You Decide... This entry will undoubtedly shock 99% of you who know me and/or are regular visitors here at Dukesville but rest assured, I have NOT lost my mind…I feel I’ve cleared it up a little. I used to be right there with all the other “right wingers” proudly waving my W flag and enchanted with how wonderful and perfect he is for this country...no more. Do I still like the guy? Yea, ‘cuz like Slick Willie, Dubya is a likeable guy whether you like his politics or not. Do I now regret voting for George W. Bush? Absolutely not, I still feel he is a much better choice than John Kerry. So what am I getting at you ask? Watching the frenzy around this man is a bit disconcerting to me, do some people really believe the hype about Dubya? I read a marquee in front of a church the other day that enraged me, it went something like this: “God spoke to Moses through a burning BUSH” To me, this implies that these folks truly believe that God is speaking to us through George W. Bush or that he’s even a savior of sorts. Perhaps he is the new Protestant “Pope?” Yea, see…I’m thinking…NO! I am so sick of hearing about how wonderful he is for this country and that he’s going to bring God back. BULLSHIT! God goes where HIS PEOPLE are, not where a leader of people calls Him to (which incidentally I don’t feel Bush is doing much of anyway). Honestly, the more I hear him and his cronies talk, the more I wonder if he isn’t preparing the way for the final Anti-Christ! What has he REALLY done that has helped America “get back” to it’s Christian roots? Now before any of you lash out at me, STOP AND THINK! WHAT HAS HE DONE? I can think of NOTHING! Abortion is still legal, welfare is still WAY outta control, prayer is still not allowed in schools, teen pregnancy is still on the rise, single parent families are becoming the “norm,” etc…(and please, correct me if I’m wrong on any of these points and add any you feel need to be recognized). I realize that he alone cannot make these things happen, BUT I don’t see him pushing very hard on any of this either… I think my biggest problem here is not so much with George W. Bush himself, but how people are reacting to his re-election. They are believing the hype that it is an “Historical Mandate” or a “sign from God.” Puuuhhhhllleeeeaaaassseeee!!!! I believe that God is speaking/working through Dubya…but then I believe that God speaks/works through EVERYONE so Dubya is no different from the rest of us. So can we please move forward and actually GET TO BUSINESS people!?!?!?!?!? Put the pedestal down and back away slowly…that’s it, that’s it…good…now…SMACK!!! there, there’s a little REALITY for ya! DUBYA IS NOT OUR SAVIOR! (and if you are a Christian, you should already know this since Jesus Christ is the one and ONLY Savior) I won’t call Bush the Democrusader as my good friend JfZ over at Thunderstorms has coined him. I will say that he makes some good points though and his blog does deserve a good read, just be prepared to get hit from every angle since JfZ likes to leave no one out of the fray. Ok, I’m done...for now...
Tuesday, December 14, 2004 Back to Dukesville Mainpage
So Alone So alone.
Saturday, December 11, 2004 Back to Dukesville Mainpage
Toys I am sure it is apparent to you all that since the election has ended my blog has changed it's tune. I am still very interested in politcs but things of a personal nature are finally taking priority in my life. The following is another personal writing of mine and you will likely be seeing more things like this to come as I work through my pain and move forward with my life. So here it is...Toys -Their toys still sit in the corner of the office in my home. -Collecting dust from years of not being played with. -Why do I leave them? -Why don’t I get rid of them or store them elsewhere? -I know I could donate them so children without could have them, but still they sit. -Do I leave them there in hopes that someday soon my children will be brought back to me? -Or do I leave them there to torment myself over past mistakes and poor decisions? -They sit there motionless, ever screaming out to be played with but no one ever comes. -They stare at me day after day, a neverending reminder of pain and heartache. -So why? -Can I not forgive myself? -God did and He is far greater than I. -I honestly don’t enjoy the pain they cause. -Is it because deep in my mind I feel that if I get rid of them that I will be forever closing that chapter of my life and that all hope of my children’s return to me will be lost? -Perhaps. -I guess it’s time to move on; they are too old for these toys now anyway. -It is time I put my full trust in God with this matter and allow Him to heal my pain so my life can go on and I can continue to become the man He designed me to be.
Monday, December 06, 2004 Back to Dukesville Mainpage
What Has God Done for Me in My Life Many people have told me lately that they don’t believe God exists. Others have told me how they feel He has let them down, not answered prayers and allowed their loved ones to die from any number of reasons or that He outright killed them. This has prompted me to ask myself, “What has God done for me in my life.” So I’ve composed a personal writing about it. This contains some very personal things, some of which I am very ashamed of and I understand if some of you will not return here upon learning what a monster I was in my past. I am not writing this to get your sympathy; I am hoping that by sharing this with you all that it will help those of you who have doubts, to understand that God is always there for you, no matter what you do, no matter how horrible of a person you think you are…even if you don’t believe in Him. “What Has God Done for Me in My Life” -God has been the only constant in my life for as long as I can remember. -I often look back and ask myself how I survived through all life has thrown my way and all the messes I have gotten myself into. Then it hits me, God has always had His hands on me and has refused to let me go, even when I’ve ignored Him or even run the other way. -When I was growing up, my mother often discouraged me from doing the things I wanted to or thought I’d be good at by telling me I’d just lose interest. This has had a lasting effect on me but God is helping me to climb out of my shell, brave the rapids and do things I would never have considered before. (I’m even thinking of trying skydiving…heh) -When my mother died from cancer when I was 20, I was devastated. I didn’t know how I was going to go on without her. But God was there to comfort me and surround me with people that loved me. And though I miss her dearly, I have survived because of Him. -In my late teens and early 20s I thought it was a good idea to drink beer. A LOT OF BEER. I can remember many times I drove home and was seeing double. I should have been arrested and thrown in jail. I KNOW God was with me then because I never got into any accidents. I did however cause a lot of pain and grief to those who love me when I became abusive towards my wife. I spent the weekend in jail as a result of a drunken rage. God made sure that I was given a second chance and an opportunity to right this wrong. I got one year probation, had to attend AA and anger management classes and at the end of the probation my record was expunged. I did all I could to repair the damage I had done and have since quit drinking alcohol entirely. Shamefully, the damage I did to my wife I could do nothing to repair, but God and time healed the wounds. She forgave me and we went forward and rebuilt our relationship. I have no pride for my actions during this time of drinking but I know God picked me up, dusted me off and told me to start again. -A few years after the drunken incident, my wife left me for another man whom I thought was my friend, I was destroyed. God was there again to comfort me and although I still hurt from time to time about that, I know He has better things in store for me and that has helped to heal the pain. -When I was 30, my father died and at the same time my ex-wife took my three children away from me, I was again devastated. I was with my father when he died. I was there in the hospital room holding his hand with tears running down my face asking him not to go. But I knew I had to let him go although I didn’t want to, I knew God was calling him home. The pain from losing my children is indescribable but I keep on plugging away because I know God is watching over them and that one day we will be reconnected even though it might not be until we are in Heaven. -I’ve recently come out of a deep depression, feeling all hope was lost and that I was worthless. God has brought some very special people into my life recently and put many prayer warriors on the front lines for me and has brought me out stronger and ready to fight! -So what has God done for me in my life? He has loved me, guided me, protected me and always been there for me no matter what. Many may say I’m crazy and that these are all happy coincidences. Many may also say I’m crazy for not being angry with Him for “letting” my parents die. But I have never been angry at Him for that for I know that even though He allows terrible things to happen in this fallen world we live in, He isn’t the originator of them and He loves us more than we can fathom. Which is why He sent is Son Jesus Christ here to pay the price for our sins…ALL of our sins, if we only ask forgiveness and have faith in Him. He died so that we may live! He was raised from the dead so that we never have to feel the sting of death and He is alive and well and living in my heart! Well that’s it, those are my humble thoughts on what God has done for me in my life. So call me crazy if you like, but He has done so much for me that I couldn’t even begin to repay Him (which is why I’m glad He doesn’t require repayment only acceptance of His blessings). :) A very special thanks goes out to my family, friends and all you prayer warriors who have been praying for me and to all you who have wished me well and kept me in your thoughts. An additional and very, very special thanks goes out to a very special woman…without you I’d still be down in the dumps…Julie, thank you for being there for me. I love you. I need to add something I meant to put in this entry in the first place that a dear friend and brother has reminded me of. God does answer ALL prayers. Sometimes his answer isn't what we want to hear but we must keep in mind that He isn't bound by the laws of this world. He knows the future and knows what's best for us even when we think we know better in our bloated minds. So did he answer my prayers when I lost all those things and commited those atrocities? YES! He told me I needed to move in a different direction than I was heading. So I am slowly taking His lead and am VERY thankful for the results!
Tuesday, November 30, 2004 Back to Dukesville Mainpage
My Second Life I know I haven't posted much lately and some of you may be wondering why. Others of you have expressed some concern as to my whereabouts but I assure you I am fine...a little depressed...but fine. So what have I been spending my online time doing? I've been living a Second Life What? A second life? Yep, it's a really cool online game where you can build all kinds of things...your imagination is pretty much the limit as to what you can build and do in Second Life. It's kinda like the Sims only MUCH better! I've made friends from places like England, Finland, Ireland and of course here in the good ole USA, a rather special young woman from Ohio...don't run away screaming now Vanna :) (not her real name but I'm not about to give away her true identity). So while it's not face to face interaction you do get to enjoy meeting some very interesting people and have a lot of fun doing it! I've compiled a few pics for y'all to check out and hey, if you think you might enjoy this you can sign up for a week for free! (just make sure to tell 'em Herzog Svarog sent ya...heh, I get a little credit for referrals). So, enjoy the pics and if ya sign up be sure to look me up while you're there.
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